Insight to a Spanish Mind
by Junsan-mun
Summary: We think we know everything about Spain... or do we?


**A/N** - Everything will be explained at the end but I have just got one thing to say - this may be confusing to some but some of you might get the gist of it and what it might mean. So, good for you!

XxX

Spain is happy. You can always count on him to have a smile on his face. He literally outshines the sun.

Oh yeah, did I mention... all of that isn't true?

Think about it, Spain used to be a Conquistador. Everyone should know what the Conquistadors used to do - depending on how you look at it. We all know Spain has changed, for the better. Even so, imagine all of that guilt piling on top of you.

However, that could also be a lie.

How well do you actually know Spain, dear readers? Yes, I am talking to you. To you... is he the smiley, cheerful, Romano-loving nation we all know and love or... is he the murderous, brutal Conquistador that caused Hell and made everyone tremble in fear when his name was spoken? Who is he to you? Think about it for a second.

...

Done? Okay, now look at Russia.

...

Fine, I hear you-

_"Spain and Russia haven't got anything in common!"_

_-_You sure? They both smile, surely that is one common property they both have-

_"But everyone smiles!"_ - Okay, you got me there. Everyone does smile, true, but is it real? Are they really showing their true emotions through that smile? We have seen Russia being creepy [practically all the time] but Spain... we almost never see him being scary and showing his true self to anyone.

Every nation has a dark past, everyone should know that. No nation is free from the guilt, the pain, the beautiful and lovely feeling of _blood splashing on you and the thrill you get when you cut down a- _

Hmh. Sorry about that, getting ahead of myself again. Carrying on,

What if I said that Spain was completely evil? He was a violent, bloodthirsty Empire who craved gold and the feeling of being powerful and on top of the world.

Yeah, sorry... I'm lying again.

We know Spain isn't absolutely, terrifyingly evil. He may be scary. But not evil. Never that.

The only way for Spain to show his true emotions and be himself is when he is drunk. Granted, his actions are probably exaggerated when he's in this state but it comes close. We have heard rumours that he is an angry drunk. Is that true? Or has all of the repressed feelings and memories crashed down on him all at once that he vents his problems in the form of anger? Could be true... yet could be a lie.

That's the problem, Spain is a strange specimen. We think he is happy yet he may be sad. We think he is smiling yet he actually wants to frown. We think he acts loving and polite yet he wants to shout at everyone and the entire world to let everyone know what he actually feels.

Maybe Spain wants to believe this himself... I know I do.

Maybe Spain is in denial and wants to forget everything he has ever done to anyone in the past... I do. I really do. I genuinely want to forget what was done to Aztec. I regret what I did... now. At the time, it was perfectly fine and I loved the excitement and buzz that it gave me.

I just want people to see through my facade and see the real me. All they can see though is the happy nation who only thinks of Romano. I'm not just that. I have a complex history and I want to feel comfortable around the other nations. I want to feel as if I can talk to them about anything and not feel as if I have to lock everything bad about me inside.

The only nations that know anything about my past is France and Prussia and even though they aren't exactly the nicest at times or the best of friends you could ever have... they know the bad things about me. I like the fact that they can actually talk to me and accept the bad things I've done. Almost as if they don't care, they just see me as a normal nation.

I thank them for that.

You may be wondering why I referred to myself in third person. Well...

I have trust issues. I guess I just didn't want people to know it was me saying all of this.

I feel as if I am worthless sometimes. I used to be an Empire. Now look at me. My economy is failing and the unemployment rate is through the roof and I can't get myself out of it. I don't even know what to do anymore and I feel as if it is my fault entirely. If I had taken better care of all of my colonies instead of just Romano and Belgium, then maybe they would have stayed and my Empire wouldn't have collapsed. Then again, would the other nations have liked me keeping it? Honestly, I don't even want to know how they'd react.

People say I'm oblivious... but trust me, I'm not. I can sense the atmosphere and I'm not dense to everything around me. I have survived long, painful years as a nation and I'm pretty sure if I was oblivious to everything I would have been a goner ages ago. Would I have become an Empire if I was oblivious?

A world power if I was oblivious?

A destroyer of Empires if I was oblivious?

No, I don't think so.

I know more than I let on and I love the fact that people actually believe it.

And people call me dense.

The Spanish Inquisition didn't do any wonders to my psyche either. How can I be so happy and content if I have seen more pain and hurt than you can imagine. I literally bathed in blood when I got back home to Romano after one of my voyages. It wasn't pretty and lots of people died that day. _Lots of people. _

I have seen death with my own eyes and I am pleased yet disgusted by my actions. I know Mexico will probably not forgive me any time soon. No wonder.

...

Anyway, the point of this was because I needed to get my thoughts out there. I hated waking up everyday to insults by Romano and getting looked down upon. I think they sometimes forget how I used to be and that I can just easily grab my ax and remind them of the _good old days~_

I know England would love that. I know he still thinks and reminisces about the time when he was a pirate [or privateer as he would protest]. The adventures he would have, sailing on the seven seas. I also remember the fights we would have in the middle of the vast ocean. By the way, I am over the Spanish Armada. I don't cry about it every time someone brings it up, it was ages ago - I got over it.

Just like England got over the loss of America. It was years ago, he got over it and now look at him. He is allies with America and gets along with him fairly well [except for the few times they'd argue].

I wish I could have that 'Special Relationship' with Romano. He insults me all of the time and calls me hurtful names but I just shrug and laugh it off. I don't think he realizes how much it actually hurts me inside and with every word I feel as if he doesn't actually care at all about me or my feelings. I am a whole country while he was one half of a nation. I know it sounds mean but Italy was always nicer than the Southern half. Veneziano would always greet me and act polite towards me and never _throw my heart on the ground and stand on it as if it was nothing. _I asked- no, I _begged _for Austria to swap the brothers.

I get Italy.

He gets Romano.

Great deal, right? Wrong. He refused. I kind of expected it but y'know, I tried.

Romano knows about the whole trading situation. He yelled at me for it but I let it go. I kept him. I honestly don't know why.

Romano is a little brat who never cleans up his messes, swears at him all of the time and smashes his antique vases [it always seems to be the same one as well, can't he knock over one that isn't as expensive?!] I kept him, despite this. Why? I guess it's because I felt like I could relate to him. We both had trust issues in a way. Granted, I leave it and decide to keep it in instead of voicing it and Romano has a temper tantrum over it and doesn't let it go until you eventually calm him down or apologize to him. I just saw myself in him. Another reason could be that I felt lonely, all alone in my big house [basically a mansion] and didn't have no one there. Suddenly, Romano comes along and I felt needed once more. Here was this small nation needing assistance and protection and I was going to give it to him.

And _Dios mio_, I gave him assistance and protection. Turkey got what he deserved, I tell 'ya.

...

By the way, I'm sorry about the lies after lies before. It's just how I am, how I work.

I'm also sorry to cut this short but I have nothing else to say. I have said everything I wanted to and I am glad to get it off of my chest. I feel like a weight has been lifted.

...

Lo siento, eso fue una mentira. Tengo más que decir, pero sólo estoy eligiendo no.

Adiós~

XxX

**A/N** - Okay, so this is basically an insight into Spain's thoughts. At the start I referred to him as simply 'Spain' as if he wasn't the one speaking, someone else was. Suddenly, I refer to him as 'I' as if he is the one speaking now. I basically wrote this because some people make Spain so bland and plain sometimes without any personality - personally, I think he is a very complicated character and is a great nation to analyze (not just as a person but also as a _country_.) I love learning about Spain's past, so this came about.

Translations (excuse this but, I'm not exactly that good at the language, so I used Google Translate. I _have_ learnt Spanish but I'm not that good. If anyone would like to correct the Spanish that is probably really bad then go ahead, I won't stop you!)

Dios mio. - Oh my God.

Lo siento, eso fue una mentira. Tengo más que decir, pero sólo estoy eligiendo no. - I'm sorry, that was a lie. I have more to say, but I am just choosing not to.

Adiós. - Goodbye.


End file.
